Kalopsia
by Fickle Hippo
Summary: Kalopsia – The delusion of things being more beautiful than they are. Stoki. Abuse, torture and sex.


**A/N: Hi this really is one of my song fic stories but I felt like it should stand alone. The song is by Queens of the Stone Age. The story is a Steve/Loki pairing and they are not as they normally are, but you will see why. I don't want to say too much about it but I feel maybe I should add a warning. So here it is.**

**This story contains: abuse, torture, over all dark themes and funny enough sex, drugs and rock n' roll. **

**Well maybe it's not funny, amusing? Really though, it isn't a happy story. I hope even though I added a warning people still read this. I would love to know your thoughts. Please review.**

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**Kalopsia – The delusion of things being more beautiful than they are. **

**Kalopsia**

_"__I never lied to myself tonight"_

Tonight I can't help but accept it, who I have become, because I have long ago accepted him. I wish this was just as simple and innocent as love between us, and though it is not as much as that, it is also far more. What happened to me while he watched, what I watched happen to him, how they forced us to watch, and not just us but countless others. There had been so many. It tethered him to me, linked our souls forevermore. He was always left till last, held down to watch it all, every single one, knowing what was to come. I was always the last one before him and his eyes were the only anchor I had, burning with hate and determination to get through this and somehow bring justice to them or is it revenge? Maybe that is what bound us together, the hate and fire to rip them to shreds, to watch till every last drop of blood covers the floor. The others didn't have that strength. They became lost after it was done. Trapped within themselves. During the aftermath of the first night that is when I knew, I knew I couldn't save everyone. And now after this I accept I will be one of the ones that can't be saved. That shouldn't be saved.

_"__Rose-tinted eyes colour my sorrow a shade of white"_

He looks up pulling me from my thoughts with a crazed glint in his eyes and a crooked grin that would make any man flinch, any man but me, it only draws me in deeper. Our eyes lock and even from this distance I can feel his madness becoming more controlled. From the outside it might look like he softens but really he is preparing, calculating, for the long night ahead of us. It is a long moment before I can pull away from the eyes that have become the only thing I can rely on. Still watching him out of the corner of my eye, I turn back to making sure my imprisoner is comfortable in his new role as prisoner. He is to watch everything we give back. I feel before I see determined eyes back upon me once more. He is torn at what to do next, what to do first. Our plan was easy enough to get to this point. But now that we are here, he is like a kid in a candy shop. Instead of candy he hungers to watch every single neck snap easily beneath his fingertips as he watches the light leaves their eyes. And every one of them deserves it and much, much more. I nod and offer what might be something close to a smile. He closes the distance between us taking my hand and pressing a soft kiss to the inside of my palm. He offers for me to join him, but I know he needs this more than I do. And unfortunately I know I couldn't bring myself to be as brutal, as creative, as they deserved. I had another reason to leave it all for him, under his regal calm there is a savageness that I desperately want, that I have dreamed, to see unleashed.

_"__Bye bye black balloon  
See you real soon"_

Agreeing to this plan I willingly cut free the last trace of innocence I had. It had only been a small amount left by this point. It was like a small balloon, somehow filled with pain and sorrow instead of air, or maybe that is all I know of air now, and even being filled so greatly it still floated away from me easily, just like all the ones before it. With each act I witnessed and each one performed upon me it released another balloon. They had started off filled with colour and hope. Then as each night passed each one was filled with dark and gloom until I released them one by one, cutting them free. Freeing me from the burden of hope.

Most of the other prisoners had done nothing wrong, I myself had committed the greatest act of treason, questioning the King. I remember one that had only dropped a glass at breakfast. She was a beautiful girl not quite of age, an orphan, and that is the real reason she was punished. Simply, they had needed fresh meat. Mercifully with most of the ones that hadn't done anything to provoke these punishments they had let them die after only two or three punishments. She had been too beautiful to be so lucky. They may have let me die long ago if I had summited to them, if I had admitted that I should not have disagreed with the King. There were days I might have given in to that release and told them I agreed, if only I could remember what I had disagreed with. My body longed to give out, my advanced healing could not cope with the constant, unrelenting punishments these gods gave. Loki on the other hand, Odin will never let him die.

_"__Wave bye bye  
Bye bye"_

Strangely what gives me nightmares is not the nights upon nights of my suffering or watching countless others go through much of the same. But it is the day Loki was broken. But I suppose it isn't that strange to fear seeing something or someone so strong and resilient crumble. Being through this often it had almost felt like a routine, the lesser criminals were taken and worn in first while we were made to watch them scream and beg. Then I had my turn, yes turn, like I was just some sort of toy they had to share or maybe I'm more like an old amusement ride that they never get tired off riding again and again, they are so sturdy and can take the constant beating of countless users. Yes an amusement ride. But that night when Loki's turn came, the King, who had been celebrating quite extensively for some reasons or another, decided that he hadn't been punished enough. The King was always present at these punishments but never participated.

Till then.

I watched in horror as the only _father_ Loki had known took him right then. The eyes I had relied on for strength cracked, no shattered. He didn't speak for sixteen days after that, but what was worse was he didn't look into anyone's eyes after either, up until then no matter what had happened he had remained defiant. He had stared them down, promising with his eyes that he would not be broken he would not fall. That was the only night there had been no screams. It was too horrendous to comprehend. The world froze and all you could hear was the grunts of the King. I took to sleeping curled around him after that, not to protect it from happening again, because I had no say over that, but just to keep him held together enough so he could do it himself in time. It might not ever happen, not fully. But this is enough, being able to do this had to be enough.

_"__Oh why you so sad?  
What have they done?"_

There was no point in talking about it, the things we went through. The closest we came was when I asked him if they had always had this as their punishments. He said even _he_ hadn't known about it and Thor and his mother would definitely not stand for such injustice if they had known. He had always known Odin wasn't quite the good King he claimed to be but had never thought the man would go this far and to do it in front of so many. It was, is, clear that Odin needs, needed, everyone to know they had to bow before him. Every single punishment was done with the prisoner on their knees before the King. Not that every person was punished this way, most probably were still treated with a proper trail and sentenced fairly. Only the ones who had committed great crimes, like questioning the King, or who would not be missed were made to suffer the same fate as us. Loki mused it was to keep those like Thor ignorant.

Each of the others had learnt one by one to stay clear of Loki and since we were mostly together that extended to me as well. Being somewhat permanent guests meant we had our own corner that no one dared go near after one poor man had mistakenly sat there and had I not seen the murderous look Loki gave the man for daring to take the only thing, be it only a dirty corner of floor away from him, he properly would have died that night. Though maybe that would have been kinder. That had been the first time we had touched and it had scared me that when I had grabbed his arm to stop him advancing he had only looked at me and I thought he would have at least punched me in the jaw, instead he had just nodded and told the man to move and sat down in his spot. Gradually over time it had become our corner and the night he broke was the first I had held him. I didn't bother to try to comfort him with words, what words could I have offered to mend something so broken and twisted? I just curled around him and we laid awake unmoving until the sun rose and he must have seen that as a sigh because he then fell asleep. On the sixteenth night after Loki was broken they threw us all into the dungeon we were kept just like they had every night. I followed him to our corner and we automatically laid together. I still don't know what had made this night so different than the fifteen before, but as the sun rose he looked up into my eyes and I crumbled. To many nights I had nothing to cling to, nothing to tether me to the ground. And now after all this he looks into my eyes and leans forward placing a soft kiss to my jaw and whispers 'thank you.' I hadn't realised until then just how much we had been through and as we both silently let the tears fall that was the first night he held me to.

_"__Forget those mindless baboons  
They're off playing god"_

We watched their every move for weeks, the way they held themselves, how they spoke, and their every movement. They hold themselves high, thinking that this is right, that this is justice. Each night as we curled together we plotted. Leaning close whispering gently in each other's ears, so softly his breath sent the first warmth I had known in months shivering down my spine and from his slight convulses, it had a smiler effect on him. We made a list of all that participated and kept track of each time one was missing, for how long and when. We also kept track of each crime each one committed. In the end we ended up with four we deemed had committed the slightly lesser crime of just watching, seven who had watched and participated in the punishments, and three who had shown an _excess_ amount of enjoyment and enthusiasm in the punishments. Bringing us to a count of fourteen gods who needed to see exactly what their punishments has created. Fourteen and one King.

_"__Copycats in cheap suits  
All playing it safe"_

One King who sees too much and was rightfully suspicious, but arrogant. He doesn't know what we are planning but he sees that there is something there. But he is cocky and thinks to highly of himself and his underlings to be concerned. His underlings who blindly follow with no thoughts of their own. He should have worried. Loki had almost let out a laugh when we realised he had worked out we were up to something but had thought himself so grand he hadn't even bothered to tell minions to keep a close eye on us. It had been a glorious sight to see something besides misery and pain in those eyes.

_"__While cannibals with their noose  
Consume the parade"_

Every day I saw them, him, sentence innocent men to death or worse. They suffer much greater than their crimes. I find myself becoming hard. The only thought that sooths me is that they will get what reap in the end. I wish I could smile at what I've become. This was the only way it could end after watching them consume souls day after day. This is beyond any evil I have known. I keep my eyes on the eyes in front of me constantly so I don't see the other souls fading. I don't see them laying on the cold stone floor rotting. At first I felt I was tainted, poisoned, now I know that this is just what they have made me into, what I need to be to end this. It has become that when a new one enters I can see it is only a matter of time before the noose tightens. In the beginning I prayed it is quick. Now there is no room for unanswered prayers.

_"__Is it wonderful?"_

When it starts I smile as Loki laughs, sickening and gleeful. After he had thanked me, it had taken him two days to ask me to help him with his plan. He hadn't been shocked at how quickly I had agreed to his plan. But he had looked at me for a long moment searching and finding out just how much this has changed me. I hadn't needed to tell him, he had just known. Known that I needed this as much as he did, that I would willingly do what was needed.

I had thought after he had mended enough he would have asked me to go back to failing to sleep by myself. But no. The next night had come and he took a hold of my hand and led me to our corner and laid us down curled together. It had felt like, I wish I could find a word for it, wonderful? No, the floor was still hard and cold. Complete? No, we would never, could never, be whole again. Maybe the only thing I can say about laying together on the dirt and in the dark was, it had felt, it had made me feel a slight tremble of something. And it may not have been anything good, because there was nothing good left, but at least I knew I could, even if it had just been for an instant, feel.

_"__Kalopsia"_

It begins. I hold the _mighty_ King as Loki ties them all up, positioning them all lying in a line in front of us. The first one he straddles their stomach and announces their crime. Remaining silent, not committing theses punishments but seeing, observing, letting them happen. And then he slices their throat, not deep enough to kill them but enough to let them bleed and listen. The blood speckles across his cheeks and runs cleanly to the floor. The three others follow and as he looks up to me once more I have never seen anything more beautiful than the fire burning in his eyes and blooded freckled across his cheeks.

_"__Kalopsia" _

He moves to the three who need a more severe punishment. He needs to start them next as their punishment will take longer. He takes his knife and slowly forces into their skin. Their legs, arms and shallow wounds on their torso. With each slow thrust he twists before removing his blade and then for now he leaves them. He smiles as he tells them their crimes of excelling at giving out the punishments and that this is just the beginning for them.

_"__Kalopsia" _

He moves onto the seven whose crime was enforcing our punishment and I find myself losing myself in the moment. He is elegant and graceful even when drenched in blood, especially then. His voice is something beautiful to behold. Strong and commanding, forcing them to know they are beneath him. I see more than hear the screams that they somehow make through the paralysing drug we have given them. Every so often he looks up and smiles sweetly to me and I feel a warmth I thought I had lost.

_"__Kalopsia" _

He stands up when he had had his fill and walks to me, stopping only a foot in front. I reach for his cheek and caress the wet flesh there. He brings his hand up to my neck and twines his fingers in my hair. His hand is so damp and warm, it soothing knowing they deserved to bleed. Our eyes lock for a long moment unable to pull away from each other. We hear them all one by one choke on their own blood and fade away. He counts them by softly squeezing the base of my skull each time one passes. And each time he does I feel myself inch closer to him. By the time all seven are gone the only thing I can feel is his hot breathe on my lips. He swallows and gives me a small nod, our noses brushing, and pulls back towards the three who need their second round of punishment.

_"__Kalopsia"_

With a skill I know not many could possess he makes incisions along their legs, arms and hands. Crippling, so they can never walk, never raise their arms again. Never touch again. For they deserve more than death, they deserve to live. But it will be a life not worth living. He leaves their eyes and ears in perfect condition, so they will hear and see the horror of every person they see. He takes their tongue from them. We don't want them to be able to speak of us to anyone or to try to deny the truth. The sound they make while he does this is curdling. He contemplates helping the wound congeal so they don't choke on their own blood. But decides that if they do die it won't be such a loss, instead he swiftly rolls them onto their stomachs to help the blood drain to the floor.

_"__Far, far from shore  
The land of nightmares"_

Only the King is left, his _father_. He walks towards me again, but this time he acknowledges the Kings existence, since from the beginning I have sat next to the _honourable_ King. For the first time since he was broken he lays eyes on the man he once admired, loved. If my heart could bleed for him it would. The crazed madness in his eyes has been dampened by sadness and disgust. I turn my gaze for the first time to the king as Loki speaks his charges. In the past few hours he has realised this is the end and he has paled and began to sweat but still holds his chin high, proud. Proud of what he has done to so many. He asks how he is going to die and when we tell him he's not he doesn't understand. Loki starts by placing his hands on either of his head and takes all the memories of the ones he has decreed this punishment on. Every moment of it and the feeling, the joy he had watching it all. Loki took it all and puts it up on display for everyone to see, for it to play over and over again. The only thing he left out was the night he broke, so his mother wouldn't see, and our revenge, this is for only us to hold dear. Just by looking at the bodies they would know what happened they didn't need to see.

_"__Gone forever more"_

Once he was done he took a deep breath and looked to me once more and I realise that my eyes have become the same rock his have become for me. I take a step towards him, placing my hand on his shoulder and running it down his arm to his hand. I latch on and give a firm squeeze. I can see he is tiring. He nods once, realising my hand and turns back to the former King. Over our time planning he has taken memories from everyone he could. Of every night they suffered and every day spent in the dark on the cold stone floor. How they felt the constant feel of filth on their skin even after they were allowed to wash. How every scrape of food they got would never be enough to fill the emptiness inside. He gave him his own memories of being broken so thoroughly by someone you once trusted and he gave him my memories of watching it happen. He set them on a loop for him to watch over and over again. The King tried to blink but it still played behind his eyelids. He then made it more intense by letting him feel every physical pain as well and even though he felt it, it did not cause him damage, because he deserves to live through it for a long, long time.

_"__And I love you more  
Than I can't control"_

It was done. He was done. The King fell to the floor staring blankly at the ceiling. Our task was complete. Loki stumbles but I hold onto him tightly. He looks up to me then and I smile softly back. He looks completed but lost. We had never talked about what would happen next. What we would do. Where we would go. How could we? How could we have hoped for a future? I tell him that he is coming to earth with me now. Because neither of us would want to answer the intimate questions these people are bound to have. We both have earned the right to forget. He doesn't question or ask to hear my reasons, he doesn't speak at all. He just lets me lead him to the passage he told me of. For days we walk and hide. Hide from the questions, from those who see our justice as unjust regicide. Those who find us, even the few the Queen has sent, fall quickly before me. I can't let them know where we are or where we are going. They shouldn't have come after us. The ones who had seemed to understand I let die quickly, I make sure their bodies are hidden so they cannot follow. Loki lets me take care of all of them, still recovering from his large burst of magic but also he knows I need to relieve myself of some of this tension. Though I do suspect that he also likes to witness the power of my fist shattering the bones it connects with, I will admit it feels morbidly good to be able to take down the would be gods with a few punches. As we walk I hold him around his much to thin waist and he rests an arm across my shoulders. It is strange how I can allow his skin on mine and he allows mine on his. I have brushed across other prisoners and recoiled, but Loki, sometimes it feels like I have to be near him, like he is another part of me.

_"__I don't even try"_

We finally make it to my room after hours, days, of travel and then avoiding talking to Tony and SHIELD more than necessary. We are alone now and it is blissfully silent. He paces around the room, memorizing the layout. And then suddenly stops. I walk to him and take his hand turning him towards me. As our eyes meet his other hand moves up to hold me by the back of my neck. I feel myself smile as his fingers wind into my hair as they have done so many times before. And then I let out a small tight laugh at the thought of feeling, of being able to feel. He smiles back and I think it almost reaches his eyes. He leans forward and my pulse races. As close as we have been, neither of us have dared to kiss the other. The kiss on my palm earlier was the first since the thank you so long ago. Just before our lips meet I bring a finger to his lips to stop him. He looks at me confused but I just lead him to the bathroom. We had both refused to use the showers at SHEILD, to public, so are still covered in grime and blood that has dried and has begun to flake off. I want to kiss him, to show him what I can't even name. But I want it to be clean. I want to have a start, a beginning. I turn on the water and watch him as I undress and slowly he follows. I take his hand as I step in with him close behind. We rinse as much off ourselves as we can and then we shampoo each other's hair. Our eyes are still locked and we wash down our own body with as much soap as we can. And we repeat it all again and again until the skin feels raw.

_"__Why would I?"_

We step out and I wrap the softest towel I can find around his frail shoulders and then reach for my own. We dry ourselves, our eyes never once leaving the other. Again we walk hand in hand back to the bedroom. I move towards the closet to find us cloths but he tugs on my hand. I look back and he nods delicately to the bed. We take the final step and pull the sheets back together, not wanting to let go of the other. He climbs in first, pulling me in with him and I pull the blankets up to our shoulders. We lay there watching each other until light fills the room. Green, the eyes that have had a hold of me for so long are green. How could I not have known after so long? How could I not have seen how beautiful they were? I tell him this and finally, slowly, gently, I see life form inside them. It is faint and over almost before it began, but it was there. He whispers in my ear once more 'Thank you.' I briefly feel something flicker deep inside that I thought I had released long ago. We lay so close to one another, close enough to feel each other's heat but not to touch. And in the same moment we move forward and our noses touch. I tilt my head as he does his and we continue forward. Our lips met and they are rough and cracked, but the gesture is almost innocent. It makes me feel like we are cleansing the skin, ridding it of the feeling of the rough treatment they endured. For quite some time it is nothing more than a press of lips. But slowly we find ourselves licking soothingly at each other's lips. Lips and skin. Our hands finally let go to wind our bodies together. It is as slow as it is gentle. Neither of us press nor try to take. We only give what we can. Every inch of our connected skin feels again. It doesn't become hot and needy. It just feels of warmth. Our hands never stray to somewhere that could become overwhelming. We just rock together. Sliding, gliding across skin. Gently together. Equally. We are silent, only the sound of our breath filling the air. I don't know how long we stay like that for. In the end we fall asleep together. Curled so tightly to one another we could become one.

_"__Oh, why the long face?  
You've got it all wrong"_

We stay in my room for more than a month. Trying to repair the wounds. They don't heal, and they never will. They have left deep scars. We just need time to turn them from the red angry marks they are into to faint silver lines. I wish I knew how long that would take. How long it would take to not be whole again but perhaps be able to leave our room. Because it has become our room, not mine. There came a day when he mentioned leaving. It was the first time I screamed in god knows how long. I screamed and destroyed everything within reach. I felt blinded but the all-consuming anguish. The only thing that made me stop was my anchor, his eyes. I have known him for so long now, but I have never known his eyes to contain this. Fear. He was scared of me. Even the day he broke, he had just shut down, not given into his fears. I did the only thing I could think of. I fell before him and cried. He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me till I calmed. I brought my hand up to cup his neck while I begged with my eyes for him to see. To see the pain it would cause to see him leave. It would rip my heart out. He understood. He whispered to me that he was scarred because he had never seen me lose my temper like that, not after anything that was done. I whispered back that it was because now I had something to lose. He stayed curled around me till I started to fall asleep in his arms. Just before I let go I hear him whisper that he may not always stay in this room, but we will always stay together.

_"__Forget the rat in the race  
We'll choke chain them all"_

By staying in our room we had tried to avoid the others or anyone really. After all the questions when we came back it was too hard to face. Some questions were easy.

'Where were you?' 'Asgard.'

'Do you realise you were gone for almost three years?' 'No.'

Neither of us had known that it had been so long. It had felt like a life time but we may have been hoping that it was just one of those things that were so horrid that felt much longer than they were. Question after question we tried to answer. But it is hard to answer we you have been walking for days with dried blood on your hands.

'Thor was told you had died in battle.'

It wasn't a question but I felt like it needed an answer. I had none. I'm still not sure how he hid us for so long. The questions became harder after that.

'Why couldn't Thor find you?' 'Were you captured and If so by who and why?' 'What happened to you?' 'Why are you with Loki?' 'How can you trust Loki?' 'Has Loki tricked you somehow or was he involved at all?'

The questions about Loki made my jaw tense. It had got to the point where we couldn't answer anymore. I did the only thing I could to stop myself for lashing out at them. I held Loki's hand tightly letting his returned pressure remind me not to get up and knock every one of them down to the ground and pound them to a pulp. They were so busy interrogating us that it took them over 20 minutes to notice our hands bound together. The next part was ever harder. They insisted on doing a check-up before letting us retreat to my room. Some couldn't look us in the eyes and those who did only held pity.

No one spoke a word.

They see it all.

They all know.

That is why we stayed hidden. A few weeks in Tony had burst into our room demanding that it was time for us to get out and about. No one even knock on our door after Loki accidently almost killed him. He had been surprised and I had to pull him off Tony with all my strength before his airway collapsed. Tony shouldn't have been so stupid. I let him recover his breath and threw him from my room informing him to let us be. They did.

_"__Fate favour the ones who help themselves  
The rest feel the sting of the lash" _

Time moves on, I have lost track again. The only way I have to measure our time back is we have both regained our correct weight and we have started having conversations with real words, not just looks. Not with others but with each other. It is almost pleasant. We have seen the others a few times. Never in our room. If anyone one even so much knocks on the door we find ourselves drawing weapons and moving into defence positions. Instead we have ventured out of our rooms to the common floor of the tower, still unable to leave the building. Tony has hope that one day we will. I don't.

Today a knock came. It is Bruce. It must be important, he never pushes. He tells us we have a guest. Thor. We tell him we need time and he nods and leaves. It takes four days for us to leave our room to face him. He walks to close, maybe attempting to embrace his brother, but I stand between them. When I see everyone flinch it is then I hear the warning growl coming from my throat. He takes a step away and then another until I relax my stance. Tony wants us all to sit. They do, we don't. We stay near the exit. Just in case. Loki who only wears his mask in front of others starts the conversation of asking why he is here and why now. Thor tells us how the city crumbled after our destruction of the king. The others gasp when they hear of what we did to him and his followers. We had told them they was dead, but not given details. I ignore the looks of hidden horror and focus back on the main threat. Thor tells us how the Queen had to fight for control and how she had petitioned to keep the King alive, when so many called for his beheading. But she stuck by our decision to extend his punishment for a life time. He speaks of riots and countless death throughout the city and how now was the first time the city had been calm enough for him to leave. The thought of a war torn city brings a glint of fire to our eyes. He begs for forgiveness on behalf of himself, the Queen and all of Asgard. He asks if we would accompany him back so the Queen can see her son and the city can make amends. It is in that instant that I come out of silence and draw one of Loki's knifes and press it into a weak spot in Thor's neck Loki mentioned just in case. He is complete shock and it worsens when he realises just how quickly I have found that exact spot. He starts to scold Loki of speaking of such things but quickly shuts his mouth tight when I press harder drawing blood. Loki instantly covers my rear just in case the others try to interfere. I speak softly to Thor but loud enough for everyone to hear. I tell him that Loki is mine and I am his and we will not be setting foot in that disgraceful place. He opens his mouth to protest but I hit him across his temple with the hilt of the knife. And with that we straighten ourselves and retire to our room.

_"__As they row (As they row) the boat (the boat) straight to hell, hell, hell  
Row"_

It has been over a year we have been in our save haven now, and since that first night we got here we haven't touched. Well not like that. We always bathe together and sleep wrapped together. But we haven't kissed or shared more than a hand held and only when facing others. So it surprised me when Loki walked up to me with a determined look in his eyes. He placed once hand on the back of my neck and the other on my jaw, his thumb caressing my check bone. He easily sees the question in my gaze and tells me it's time to let ourselves forget once and for all. I barely nod before he leans forward that last inch to let our lips meet. It is so different than anything I have ever known. It has what every other kiss before it has missed. Heat and fire. My hands gravitate to his hips and bring them crashing to mine. I feel my body responding for what feels like the first time. He groans as our tongues meet and I easily lift him and bring him to our bed. Time locks, its speeds up and slows all at once. Our cloths disappear and I wish this could last forever. I nip at every inch of skin as he clams mine. I roll us side to side from fear of trapping him and he rewards me by thrusting his length into mine. We are so hard I whimper. Faster we rock. Rutting, grinding. Our hands slid down to clench each other's arses to bring us closer. We are so desperate it is verging on painful. I can feel him leaking onto my stomach and it only makes the heat build faster. I can hear words mumbled and growled. They could be mine or they could be his. 'Mine.' 'Yours.' 'Always.' Our lips crush together one final time and swallow our cries of pleasure.

Everything hurts. We are covered in bruises, bites and claw marks. But it feels like something has been released. We cling to each other as the convulses slow. Until they turn into shakes and the tears begin to flow. We hold on because there is nothing else left to cling to. Hours we stay hidden together under the sheets. We take shifts sleeping so one will always be awake to wake the other from the nightmares. Once our bodies had healed the nightmares had started and they haven't stopped since. Over and over they play.

When we both find ourselves awake at the same time again, we caress each other gently until the silence is broken. 'If I could feel love I would love you.' After a moment I open my mouth to answer, but Loki is the one to answer, because without knowing I had been the one to speak. He threads his fingers through the hair at the base of my neck and brings us closer until our lips meet. 'Love we will never feel, but this, this will have to be enough.'

**Fin.**


End file.
